so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
