moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
