I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
