There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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