I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
