When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
