i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Randomize
