I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
