I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
