new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
