Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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