omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
