I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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