So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just googled if crying burns calories
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
