no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
