Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
