you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
