some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
