He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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