Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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