Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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