It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
