so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
