i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
