my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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