there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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