i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
