If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
