Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
