my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
