Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
