Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
