When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
