Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
