wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
