I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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