EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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