i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
