You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
