Im at strip club and am horny
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
