so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
