Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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