Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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