How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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