They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
