I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we're so committed to being not committed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
