Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
