woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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