Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
