My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
