Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
